July 2010
7 posts
Funny this is exactly how I feel about twitter
thenelsontwins:
theconceptlibrarian:
I suppose earlier generations had to sit through all this huffing and puffing with the invention of television, the phone, cinema, radio, the car, the bicycle, printing, the wheel and so on, but you would think we would learn the way these things work, which is this:
1) everything that’s already in the world when you’re born is just normal;
...
Mommy Dearest
Boone: Mama.
Me: She had to leave for work. What do you need?
Boone: Mama.
Me: She'll be back later. What do you want? You want a snack?
Boone: Mama!
Wyatt: I think he's being pretty clear.
Me: I know, but I'm a perfectly capable parent. And I'm right here.
Boone: Mama!
Wyatt: But, you're not mama.
Me: I feed you, clothe you, put you down for your nap, play with you. What does she do that I don't do?
Wyatt: Be awesome.
Boone: MAMA!
Me: She's gone, Boone. Do you want a hug? I can hug.
Wyatt: Not like mama.
Me: Just like mama.
Wyatt: Nope.
Boone: MAMA!
Me: How is her hug different than mine?
Wyatt: It's awesome.
Me: Here, Boone. I'll give you a hug to make you feel better.
Boone: WAAAAAAAH! MAMA! MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!
Wyatt: Way to go, smart guy. He'll be freaking out for a while now.
Me: Fine. I'll let him have his fit. Is there anything you need?
Wyatt: Mama.
I gots my brother married today.
June 2010
5 posts
5 Yerts
I have been married to the best woman ever for five years and it just keeps getting weirder!
I love you sweet baby doll!
WatchTo celebrate my very first Father’s Day, I wanted to begin what will hopefully be a long career of embarrassing my son using the Internets.
At the hospital. Waiting for babby.
May 2010
7 posts
*sigh*
The due date is past. The bun is still in the oven, and my wife feels like Jabba the Hutt. My baby is lazy and missed its chance to share a birthday with Big Daddy James. Is this the first sting of parental disappointment?
They are very good. →
It is good to know that I froze.
We had to leave a restaurant last night when my nine and half month pregnant wife knocked over her glass of water and made a puddle on the floor. She tried to explain what had happened but the waitstaff took one look at my face (who had not seen the glass only the puddle) and switched into sitcom mode. It would have been nice if she had delivered right there to save all of the embarrassed...
HTML 5
I went to a conference tonight about HTML 5 and the future of the web. Me and the rest of the sweaty nerds cheered when he showed us CSS3 columns and border-radius. The little Italian man from Microsoft mostly whined about how hard it is to make a browser. The OS is really dead.
37 weeks
The Babby window has opened. Now we wait….
April 2010
7 posts
WatchFor Stinky and Ricky. The monkey walk and bottom man.
February 2010
4 posts
Why am I sick and not at a Fish Fry?
#healthcarefail
We have to fill out a birth plan for our hospital visit on a set of carbon paper duplicates like it is 196-fricking-3. And this from a health care provider who is held up as a model for using technology. I don’t trust these idiots to file this POS correctly much less cut into me if the need arises. American Health Care System, you suck at your job! I wish I could kill you with hate.
Dear San Francisco public transit dudes, I know you want to touch the awesomeness but if you rub my wife’s belly again I will cut you sack to sternum.
January 2010
10 posts
Schrödinger's Baby
It occurred to me while thinking of names that since neither of us know the sex of the baby, it is actually both simultaneously. Not tranny, not intersex, but really both male and female at the same time. Maybe I have been living in San Francisco for too long, but I am heartened to know that my baby is already super duper queer.
2 tags
A Review of every book on Pregnancy for Men:
Sack up.
My wife is a Time Lord
She has two hearts.
The Aughts: my years summed up in three words
2000: IR Drunky LaRue
2001: In the Lou
2002: Big metal gates
2003: Wolfram and Hart
2004: BoBo Bought Condo
2005: SWEET BABY LOVE!
2006: Clown on TV
2007: San Francisco Adventure
2008: Ow! That Hurts!
2009: Enter the BabyMaker!
December 2009
7 posts
Doughnut SmackDown
STL for the fail! World’s Fair Doughnuts is closed through the 1st leaving St. Louis Do-Nut to compete with SF’s own Doughnut World. Walking into Do-Nut on Southwest Ave in St. Louis was like walking into a Steinbeck novel. I could not bring myself to order coffee for fear that the crone would offer me creme. I appreciated their attempt to bring the mysteries of doughnut making to...
Life Lessons
When trying to describe your glowing beautiful pregnant wife to a friend, the correct term is not Tub-a-licious. In case you were wondering.
What I am afraid of.
Despite what you may have heard Win7 is just another bag of crap.
#babynames - Girl: Meredith Gene Taylor, Boy: Zues Either: Thomas
WatchRomeo and Juliet musical rehearsal
November 2009
9 posts
#babynames
Boy: Messerschmitt
Girl: Dagger
Either: Sparkplug
I can't believe I haven't been to LEGO LAND...
thenelsontwins:
noeyeinpirate:
My creative director asked me to write out some goals for HR & my review.
This is where I netted out:
1. eat 50 hardboiled eggs in a sitting
2. High-5 Abraham Lincoln (will settle for an impersonator)
3. Visit LEGO LAND
4. Do more good work?
5. Recreate Mount Rushmore in candy corn
6. Take more vacation days
7. Have a robotic penis
8. Learn some new...
#babynames
Boy: Lichtenstein
Girl: Finkandia
Either: Jazzhands