I have not sat down at this thing in over a month.

And the only reason I can really give is that my joie de vie has been sputtering and gasping and trying to stay afloat as we spend our first summer in San Francisco.  And today summer ended.

So there is that.

Instead of a half assed recap of the last month I will just start with today.  I started work at nine o'clock this morning instead of seven because three sixteen hour days in a row are three sixteen hour days in a row and I needed a little rest.  I struggled under a pile of websites, all of which became extremely active and a little late all at the same time, until five this evening when the F-bomb and I went to the mall in Daly City to get costumes for a show we have on Saturday.  The Serramonte Center in Daly City is almost exactly like Crestwood Mall in St. Louis with more Asian people.  S to me it felt like being sixteen at Christmas, we went to Spencers Gifts, I felt embarrassed while the F-bomb got some unmentionables from the Secret Place, we ate Pretzels in the food court, and then we looked at the puppies in the pet store.  I also learned they have a two headed turtle in the Serramente Center Mall Pet Store.  Apparently each brain controls a different side of the body.  I was completely fascinated when I saw it, but now that I think about it I kind of want to throw up.   We then ate dinner at home (home made Sweet and Sour Chicken) and watched a couple of episodes of Doctor Who.  

Tomorrow I have to go back to the hand doctor.  I have not used my wrist for anything more than normal wrist usage for the past four weeks and now get to hear if I should start training again or if they are going to shunt me off to another intern with a text book who will tell me to ice it if it hurts.  Or if I am really lucky I will get sent back to the occupational therapist who told me that what I really needed was a different career.  Doctors are the reason the health care system sucks.  M.D.'s and insurance agents have managed to make what used to be the richest country in the world a morass of red tape, double speak, and fucking poor people.  I heard on the radio the other day that the cost of health insurance (not the care, just the insurance) has risen over 18% per annum in the past couple of years.  No wonder we have been going into debt and causing banks to fail.  Thank you Doctor, go fuck yourself.  

Whew.  It looks like I have been having some rage issues as well.  

On the bright side I met El Vez.  In less than a month I am going to be performing at a Cabaret hosted by him at the Teatro Zinzanni Tent.  It may be a toss up to see who will be wearing less clothing by the end of the show.  

I was also in Florida when I heard about DFW.  I know people have been grieving and I know for a fact that reading Infinite Jest changed my life in very demonstrable and wonderful ways, even forcing me to go so far as to say there would be very little of me around at this point had I not read it, but Fuck You DFW.  

You are an asshole.  

There is a very thin line separating us, the living, from the howling bleak nothing of an uncaring and chaotic universe.  Even the shining face of God himself would only serve to remind us of our own insignificance.  But somehow we stay on this side of the line.  We can look at ourselves in the mirror and in the back of our minds know the simple truth that no matter how much we love another person, no matter how much we try to make life a little easier for those around us, no matter how much we clean house, serve God, and help others, that we are completely powerless in the face of the universes ability to bring pain.  But we stay on this side because sometimes just seeing another person survive a day can be enough to make that knowledge bearable.  Because our being brings hope, not to us than but to the next poor schmuck  This whole shanty town of a civilization has been built up on the bones of the billions of those laughing, fornicating, backstabbing, loving, doting, murdering, brilliant and stupid monkeys who came before to nurture that hope and to try to keep out the fucking dark.  When someone de-maps themselves it just makes it harder for the rest of us to get up, strap on a pair and face the next day.  Your life is not your own  No one's is.  

I think I learned that from you asshole.